Ave Maria on Piano

Since playing Ave Maria on my flute for Christmas Eve, I've completely fallen in love with the piano part and have been trying to learn to play it.  Once I can play the piano part, I can record it on my little keyboard and then play my flute along with it!

Here's the first three pages.... still a little rough, but given I don't really play piano that often, this is pretty good!

Happy New Year!

K

The Longest Night Has Passed

We've endured the darkness
but the longest night has passed
light has returned and we turn
towards it, accepting its
warmth and radiance

With each day, the light grows
and we can accept its gift
and open ourselves to
new beginnings with
hope and wonder

And as the light fills us
we reflect its beaming glow
of life back into the world
for all to know the deepest
joy and peace

Living in the light
the world shines
with all the dreams
we've dreamed......
you and me

Just Enough of Everything

The unexpected brings what's new and

smiles, words and energy prevail

and you bask in the moment, 

with wonder and joy at it having

just enough of everything

Surprise, surprise

who knew the next corner

would be the one to reveal

and with it came the needed eyes to see

just enough of everything

This thing.. this moment so sweet

captured in the reflection of beauty

so attentive and awkward and

brimming with many delights that are

just enough of everything

Dancing in the light with music

swirling in the air, life takes

my breath away as the sun warms 

my face and my day is filled with

just enough of everything

Got Yarn?

My first Christmas present arrived in the mail a few days ago and I've been delightfully busy ever since. I had asked for a ball winder and my wonderful mother sent it along with a cute note saying "Hope you enjoy it - whatever it is!" I have the best mom!

Armed with my new ball winder, I spent yesterday searching my house for my entire yarn stash. I'm actually still finding yarn today! Then I began the process of winding balls... oh, so much fun! I know, I know... I'm kind of a dork, but - hey! - I love my yarn stash! Having my hands on all this yarn is certainly inspiring... I'm sure I'll be back to knitting soon!

I hope something has your creative juices flowing, too!

K

For the Moment

Hold me in your arms and

look into my eyes

don't look for forever, just

for the moment

Peel the onion before you

layer by layer

the reveal slowly unfolds

for the moment

I have to say.......

I don't know what to say

I'm speechless

for the moment

Words pour out and 

beauty reflects from my eyes

and I am captured

for the moment

"Flower" by R Shaffer

My Knit Masterpiece

I realized the other day when reviewing my blog that I never posted anything about the sweater I knit earlier this year shortly after teaching myself to knit! This must be rectified as my summer cardigan was a smash hit that I wore many times during the summer months. Many of my friends will immediately recall seeing me in it a number of times.

It began with a trip to The Swift Stitch in Santa Cruz, where the sales attendant was wearing a delightful little short-sleeve, cropped length cardigan she had knit herself. I immediately loved it and asked her about it. I explained I was new to knitting, but had really taken to it. When I showed her my current project, she felt confident I could get through the sweater's pattern. She pulled it from her stock and help me select some luxurious yarn. I went home excited to tackle this next knitting challenge.

After a quick check of my gauge, I began. The cardigan is constructed in five pieces with some knitting completed after the pieces are sewn together. Here's a pictorial of the entire process. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of me wearing the sweater, but I'll work on that!

The sweater is knit in five pieces from bottom to top. This is the beginning of the back.

Almost done with the back. You can see the increases for the back shaping and also decreases for the armhole.

Back is complete, but unblocked. Right front started.

Tilt your head... right front complete.

Blocking all the pieces. You can see one of the sleeves and both pieces for the front.

Once the back and front pieces were sewn at the shoulder, I was able to knit the neck band and also the button band. Saving the buttonhole band for last.

The very last stitch of the construction phase!

All sewn together. Now I just have to do that buttonhole band.... 

All finished and I found four fabulous buttons that match perfectly.

My Next Calligraphy

I've been feeling a calligraphy for a while now, but was unsure of the words it would entail. When I'm feeling a piece of artwork bubbling up, I truly enjoy the anticipation of what will emerge and capture my desire to create. I rarely sit at the table wondering what to create. Rather I am urged to my table, no longer able to contain whatever has taken hold of my creative spirit.

It is with this wonderment that the past few days have passed, until yesterday a quick peruse of my Facebook page showed me the words of my next calligraphy.

Before I share them, let me say this: the past couple months have been a deeply introspective time where I have not only looked inside myself, but also outwardly to the world as I consider how I will again rebuild my life after a time of difficult changes.

I'll thank my Facebook friend, Ajay, for the inspiration:

‎"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens."

                                                                         - Carl Jung

This quote perfectly captures my current experience as I both dream about my future and further awaken to myself and I knew the moment I read it I would calligraph it. The bubbling inside is now at full boil and my art table beckons... my pens and brushes yearn for my touch.

Stay tuned... I'll share pics as this one comes to life!

Dancing With Desire

My heart brims with desire

With the luxury of time, 

I bathe my mind in 

warm and bubbly 

thoughts of pleasure

Time pauses and I soak in rapturous delight

Floating from thought to thought

with each permeating 

heart, body and soul

I am quenched

Intimate love is life's gift to each of us

Even without a partner

I will dance in this playground

if only in my mind

with all that I am

Choices

Life is about choices and about learning the only control we have is over our own.

The choices of others can destroy us if we allow.

But another choice can be made.

A choice of renewal.

A choice of embracing the unknown with loving arms and depths of hope and without fear.

Never alone, I choose to live, I choose to laugh, I choose to love.

Betrayal

Betrayal came into my life at a very young age.

I was four years old when a male babysitter convinced me to place his penis in my mouth. I was reluctant to do so when he asked, my argument being he would "pee." He promised not to do that and so I complied with his request. He then urinated in my mouth.

The horror of that moment still lives in me today. Nothing can prepare a child for the betrayal that comes from a trusted caretaker.

When I was eight years old, I traveled with a beloved family friend, "Aunt Cindy", to Buffalo, New York, where we would visit her sister and brother-in-law.  While there, one afternoon the brother-in-law took me in the car to pick up lunch.  Back in those days the front seat of the car was a bench seat with no center console.

When we first left the house, I was sitting next to the passenger door with plenty of space in-between us, but when we had driven a ways, he asked me to slide over and sit next to him.  The moment he made the request, I sensed something was wrong.  Reluctantly, I slid across the seat towards him.

What happened next never should have happened.  I remember some of it.  I remember telling him I didn't like what he was doing.  I remember when it was over, sliding back to sit next to the door again.  Years would pass before I would tell.

Even as I write these words today, my body is racked with fear from these memories.

Betrayal comes in many forms and can leave open wounds, scabs and scars across our lives. No one is immune.

For as much as I have been betrayed, I have been loved many more times over.

I've worked hard to heal from my past and to recognize my own wounds and scars and how they frame my world.  I've learned to trust and to not be afraid.  I have loved.

To me, this is the essence of the Light conquering the darkness.

An Open Door

Revised 10/8/2011

Yesterday when I arrived at church with a car full of food for a luncheon after services, I was dismayed to realize I had forgotten my church key.  There was plenty of time to go home and fetch my key, but there was no energy in me for that.

I stepped out of my car with a sunken heart, purse and car key in hand.  I locked the car door and walked to the side of the church hoping to see if perhaps someone had already arrived.  No one was there.  It's early.

Figuring on a wait, I turned and walked towards a little bench in front of our church. There I would sit and wait for someone else to arrive, hopefully with a key. Disappointment would keep me company.

As I walked towards the bench, I looked at the fellowship hall just beyond with it's locked door.  Maybe it's open.  Suddenly I felt the possibility of the door being unlocked.  It shouldn't be open.

I walked towards the door and up the few steps - dismay now replaced with hope - and placed my hand on the knob.

With one turn the door swung open and I entered the sanctuary.

Chuckling to myself, I returned to my car to retrieve my groceries.  I couldn't help but notice a bounce in my step and a smile on my heart.

Revelation 3:8 "I know thy works; behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for you have a little strength, and have kept my word, and have not denied my name."

Amen.

A Love Poem For Me

Love For You

Beautiful and lovely, Kristin
How I marvel at the day the thought of you came

With such care did I create you
Full of compassion, wit and intellect

Fragile and tender-hearted

I know the suffering you endure

But I am always here

Nothing will ever keep me from you

Never will a moment pass where I am not filled with love for you

Time cannot measure the length of my love for you
The ocean depths are shallow compared to the depth of my love for you

Always will I love you - just as you are
Always will I be filled with love for you

You are perfect in my eyes
You are malleable in my hands

You are my child
You are my love

Now and Forever

Knitting Escapades - Part 2

Okay - I'm hooked on knitting (funny pun there if you think about it!)...  =)

Since my last post, I've finished the fingerless mitts I had started and also a hat.  I'm well on my way to finishing a second hat that has knit up fabulously. It's amazing how checking your gauge improves the outcome of your knitting!

So for all of you wanna-be-knitters out there:  If I can do it, so can you!  It's really just a matter of patience and practice.  Check out Knitting Help dot com.. they have great, short videos that show you all the techniques up close.

Here are some pics of my progress:

One of the finished fingerless mitts:

Hat with cable and lace pattern - I checked my gauge very carefully for this hat and it's knitting up to the perfect size for little old me! 

Happy knitting!

Knitting Escapades - Part 1

I've been crocheting my entire life and have made many things with my crochet hook, but knitting has always eluded my skills.  I've made the decision to change that and here we go on my first official knitting project that I intend to finish, no matter what!

The pattern I'm using is for a set of fingerless mitts, which I downloaded for free from Ravelry.  I also purchased a set of bamboo knitting needles, which were recommended by the store clerk at Bobbin's Nest to be easier to use than metal needles for beginners.  A fresh skein of yarn and I'm on my way.

Here is a pic of the cast on stitches - it took me five tries to get the stitches cast on evenly with the first couple of knit rows completed.  I kept dropping stitches or making them too tight - it was frustrating, but I was determined to do it again and again until it seemed just right.

But persevere I did and eventually, I did get the hang of it.  Watching the free videos on Knitting Help dot com really helped.  In fact, I've been trying both English and Continental knitting methods and I've decided the English method works best for my hands.  Here's the next pic and in this one you can actually see the pattern emerging:

And one final pic from yesterday to show the end of my day one efforts.  Unfortunately, I didn't get a pic of the delight on my face:

Stay tuned.... 

My Joyous Heart Sings

Since becoming choir director at my church in late March, my heart has been expanding and expanding and expanding with joy until today it was finally so full of joy, it burst and in the droplets of joy that showered over me, I found this poem.  -K


My joyous heart sings

            "Sing out, oh my soul"

When I sing unto the Lord

       my world is perfect and whole

My heart was once empty

       for meaning it did long

And then You surprised me 

        and gifted my heart a song

This song You have given

         has been there all along

And now that I've found it

       the tune grows ever strong

The song in my heart
               is not just for me
It is for all who seek Him
             it is God's melody

May the music in my heart never end

          may it play forever more

May it bring glory to the one

       that my heart adores

I sing for You, Lord

I sing for me

I sing for the joy of others

I sing for all eternity

The Agony of Jesus

Did you know the word "agony" appears only one time in the King James Bible?  I didn't.

When I read this today, I was surprised.  I checked my Strong's Concordance to ensure the accuracy of the statement and, sure enough, there on page 28 in the concordance, listed only once, was agony. 

The Greek word for agony is agonia meaning a struggle (properly in Greek, the state of being in a struggle) or figuratively anguish or agony.  Agonia derives from agon which means conflict, effort or contention.

It seems obvious that this word is more than just "agony" in the English meaning - it is a struggle filled with anguish and conflict and contention.

So where is it that this one word appears in the Bible?  It appears in Luke 22:44, but let's look at the entire passage to get the full story behind this one scripture and allow me to set up the scene.

Jesus has just shared the last supper with the twelve disciples and has told the disciples one of them will betray him.  Now, after the meal has ended, Jesus, with His disciples following, goes to the garden to pray.  Here are the scriptural passages that follow:

Luke 22:41-44

And Jesus was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw and kneeled down and prayed, saying,

 "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."

And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.  And being in agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

My study Bible adds this note:

Jesus is borne up in His hour of greatest need, when He must intercede not only for Himself but for His followers, who are about to leave Him in the lurch.  Agony appears only here in the New Testament: it points to the intensity of Jesus' struggle.  Surely Jesus wrestles, not so much with death itself, but with His own destiny to be made the sin-bearer for all mankind for all the ages.  The punishment that had to be borne for our sins brings Jesus to His knees in anguish.

Jesus knew His destiny and knew what was coming and He struggled in agony and anguish over it.  He even prays for the "removal of this cup" from his path, but then adds "not my will, but thine, be done."  As many times as I have read this passage, today is the first time that I understand the agony of Jesus in this moment.

This week I have struggled with a personal issue - one that has born anger and hatred within me for more than a decade.  Today, a particular event brought that anger and hatred to a head and I found myself weeping with complete and utter frustration.  I am helpless in these circumstances and so I must surrender to them, but my heart resists with clenched fists.

In my frustration I turned to my husband, my mother and my Bible for comfort.  I was blessed by the conversations with my husband and mother and then further blessed by my Bible in coming into this knowledge today regarding agony.

The Lord knows my struggle (He knows yours too) and has offered me comfort in showing me more clearly the agony of His own struggle as He walked to the cross on my (and your) behalf.  I am truly humbled.

I've wiped away my tears and I'm wiping away my anger and hatred one small swipe at a time.  It's a process - I get that - one that I have agreed to and one that I am surrendering to one unclenched finger at a time.

Threads

Threads

Life is like an intricately woven fabric

made up of many different threads.

Some threads are prominent only in some areas

having distinct starting and stopping points.

Other threads dot the fabric throughout.

While others still form the very foundation

of the cloth itself being constant for as long

as the threads have length to give.

The threads no matter how used serve only

one purpose: to make up the whole.

Only the Master Weaver knows the final

design of the cloth and only in His hands 

will the threads find their place.

As each day passes it is my joy to admire

the work of the Master who so cleverly weaves

the threads of my life together.

Answer Well

Answer Well

I weep for what was

Yearning for comfort I reminisce

and remember

If allowed, 

I could stay here a very long time

But the past holds not my potential

only lessons that

when practiced

prepare me more

For the joys ahead and 

the sorrows yet to come

How will I live my life yet lived?

The future is determined in

the smallness of each moment's choice

What shall I carry?

What shall I leave behind?

What shall I cherish?

What shall I protect?

In each moment

With each choice

We answer the questions

of life

Answer carefully.

Answer lovingly.

Answer well.

Pages from 2010 Life Book

In April 2009 I purchased a Fabriano Venezia Book, a delightful sketchbook filled with wonderful Fabriano watercolor paper.

Incredibly, I wrote on a few pages in 2009 and then put the book down and didn't touch it again for more than a year.

Luckily, I picked it back up on August 4, 2010 and I haven't put it down since.

This book has become so much more than a sketchbook - it really is my "Life Book"... a sketchbook, journal, scrapbook and photo album all in one.

Here are some of my favorite pages since that wonderful day in August and, I'm happy to report, I have a brand new Venezia Book for 2011!

Feliz Año Nuevo!!

-- Kristin