Memories are as much a curse as they are a blessing. My memories aren’t just in my mind, they are in every cell and calling them to my consciousness can cause every cell to ache.
How many days have been laced up with upset? I remember in my arms and shoulders the tensions of the past. Will I ever relax?
Memory can take me deep inside to a place of reflection. With all the experience that I am, I change memory into something else. Sometimes I wonder if I remember correctly, but my body knows. It remembers.
For more than a year, upset has taken center stage. How can it be that so much was lost? I wasn’t prepared even though I wanted to be.
My devotional today sorted this for me, reminding my cells that ALL things are of the Father. Will I only accept the good and blindly turn away what’s difficult? How will I know the heights of joy without the depths of sorrow to compare?
Sorrow wells up in waves that overtake my breathing; I feel stifled, but then I am reminded of bliss – the sounds of my children’s voices both today and from the distant past – how can there be sorrow when I have the three of them and all their memories to cherish?
I quiet my tears with peaceful breath and I am calmed.
ALL things are a blessing and a curse, for without the contrast of opposites, experience would be dulled by that which has no contours and thus cannot be compared or sorted.
Memory is yet another way of knowing our past, our present and our dreams simultaneously at once, flowing through time to make up this life.
Lost for a moment in grief, I return to my home inside. It’s been turned upside down these past months, but each day when I return, I attempt to put things into their new places, into their new perspectives. The act itself is healing and as I heal the curse of memory fades and I smile as I remember.
